Wednesday, April 6, 2011

March and April Sports

I heard somewhere a while ago that the number of vasectomies increases dramatically just before the beginning of March Madness and the Masters. While I most certainly could have accepted my source on faith without any attempt at fact checking, a practice currently all the rage with in-the-know politicos (and just in case you think I'm ripping on you and your favorite tea-bagging candidate, refer to the following slideshow. As you can see, loud, inaccurate gaffes and vehement assertions of falsehoods are en vogue for both repubs and dems alike, making me an equal opportunity critic), such poor journalism is better left for the New York Post or FoxNews, and has no place on Happy Circle. So off to The Google I went, looking for evidential support to back this statistical surfeit of surgeries.

Side note: as is often my practice with Google, I like to watch the toolbar to see the many trajectories my education could take on its way to my final search term. As I wrote "time of year most..." you can see what came up. The three most common searches starting from that stem are more surprising in that they aren't really all that surprising. Here they are:
Time of year most...
1) Breakups occur
2) People die
3) Babies are born
...Which means, in order, we are most concerned with sex (or potential lack thereof), death, and birth. I'll leave it to you to imbue those results with any further meaning as I can feel myself already getting off-course.

When I finally did complete my search term (I'm a slow typer), the very first result was this article, confirming wherever it was that I heard that statistic in the first place.

If you're now wondering, then, how vasectomies and google searches relate to happiness, or in particular to happiness associated with March and April sports, I'll help you connect the dots. The simple fact that men are actually willing to essentially disconnect the valve on their manhood in large part to have an excuse for a long weekend of watching basketball or golf speaks volumes about the wonders of this season in sports.

Forget longer days, fresh air, and birds chirping. The real testament to the power of spring is a the fact that men are willing to go a painful outpatient procedure just to enjoy the sports of the season. Snip, snip and happy watching.

...I wonder if Tiger had one too?

Monday, April 4, 2011

Ying and Yang

Hello fellow-euphoria seeker. I hope you like sunshine.

As is my custom, whenever I make an inaugural post in a new blog, I like to offer a few words of explanation so that the reader always knows what to expect. I figure it's the least I can do for anyone who is willing to take time out of his busy day to read the trivial musings of this un-published, un-heralded, recreational writer lacking any semblance of literary credentials... Apart from being somewhat above average at Scrabble.

Truth be told, this blog is not really a standalone entity. I mean, I guess you could spend a few minutes every month letting me blow rainbows and butterflies in your face, but if you're anything like me, sooner or later, you're going to want something a little edgier, a little more rakish, dare I say, a little more Angry. In those cases, I invite you to meet my friend: Angry Square ( For those of you who are already familiar with Angry Square, consider me his emasculated, goody-two-shoes cousin.

I stopped writing in Angry Square because I was worried people were beginning to think of me as a snarky, cynical little brat, constantly piddling about the many ways in which the cosmos had recently done me wrong. In reality, though, I am a glass-half-full, cry at sappy movies, baby-hugging kind of guy. And with the advent of my new blog (and the come back of my old one) you will get to see both sides of my polarized and polarizing personality, in all of its dichotomous glory.

Happy reading, and be sure to spread the love.